When I was in college speech class one day the teacher was late so various students start going to the podium to give smart ass speeches. Eventually my buddy gets up and says:
"Ladies and Gentlemen!! We are very fortunate to have with us today one of the worlds greatest experts on sex. This man has studied sex the world over and he knows just about every thing there is to know on the subject. .." . He went on with this introduction for about five minutes extolling the expertise and knowledge of the up coming speaker He finally says "And now Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the world's greatest expert on sex to enlighten us all on the subject. I present Mr. Dick Wilz"
He sat down and I went to the podium and said;
"Ladies and Gentlemen, It gives me great pleasure." and I sat down.
Soon the whole class busted out laughing!!! .
In 1945, with the stroke of his pen, President Truman issued an executive order to integrate the US Military. The military said "Yes Sir," as they are prone to do, and went on to demonstrate how equality for all races is what this country is all about. When I joined the Air Force in 1954 and was stationed in Mississippi, I saw how harmonious racial issues were "on base" compared to the complete segregation that was in effect "off base." It took MLK and the 60's and 70's to bring about significant equal rights regarding racial issues throughout our land. (See Chapter 5 - My views on Racial Issues for more detain on this subject)
On 22 December, 2010 President Obama stroked his pen to end "Don't Ask - Don't Tell" in our military by signing legislation to that affect. So once again, the US military can help lead us to even better "equal rights." (Here I want to quote parts of President Obama's remarks that he made at the Don' Ask - Don't Tell signing ceremony)
In my view, SEX is treated very badly in our human culture. Religions have made it sinful. Our current laws on sex are to a large degree based on religious influences. I believe that our laws should get involved to protect children and incompetents, and to address rape and other sexual abuse issues. Our laws should not get involved with sex in private between consenting adults.
As a species we humans indulge in a wide variety of sexual behavior. Many of us believe that our personal views on sex are the right views, the normal views. Anyone who deviates from our views are considered sexual deviants. In this chapter I will address a broad range of sexual behavior and will disclose my views of what I think are the right views
Well into my thirties I was as homophobic as most of my contemporaries. Since then, my views of sexuality have changed considerably. In matters of race, my views have not changed much because, from early childhood, I always had notions of racial equality. I didn't need a "civil rights" movement to alter my views of racial issues as was needed by so many white racists, especially in the south. Not so with matters of sexuality. For me it was the "sexual revolution" that drastically changed my views on matters of sexuality.
I remember how in high school we use to scorn this one guy because we "suspected" that he was a "Homo." In those days, and later, the "normal" perception of gay people in my community, as well as those of society in general, was that they were perverted "sickos". Later, during my time in the Air Force and in college, for someone to be accepting of homosexuality was a threat to ones own "masculinity." I feel that gays "coming out of the closet" had a profound affect on my "liberalization" on matters of sexuality. That movement and Hugh Hefner"s "Playboy Philosophy" and Penthouse's "Sexual Forum", which I "read" regularly in those days, radically changed my thinking. Gay females were the first to be considered acceptable to me. Much as early "doubts" about matters of religion eventually led to my religious transformation, early acceptance of female homosexuality eventually led to my current sexuality views. I found that erotica initially appearing in Playboy and Penthouse relating to female homosexuality seemed quite OK to me. At this point, I developed the view that lesbianism was OK but male homosexuality was still sicko. Then as time went on, as I became more open to more liberal ideas in other areas, my more liberal views of all homosexuality became more acceptable as well.
My views now are that I believe that a significant number of humans are probably "wired" to be attracted to members of their own sex. While I don't know what the percentage is, I speculate that there is in fact a varying spectrum ranging from hard wired homosexual folks to bisexual in the middle to hard wired hetrosexual folks on the other end. I don't know what the "realities" of this spectrum are but I suspect it is not as cleanly defined as those on the outer reaches of it believe them to be. In other words, I think that some gay folks consider themselves to be hard wired that way when, in fact, they could enjoy sex with the opposite sex and some hetrosexual folks cannot phathom the idea of a gay encounter when if fact they could get enjoyment from it. I think its kinda like "Try it, you might like it!"
While I have not had any significant homosexual encounters, I now consider myself to be bi-sexual. I have come to this view slowly through the years as I, and most of society, have become more enlightened on sexuality issues. One memory from my high school days started me on this course. One night, at a New Years Eve party, we were all a little loaded on beer when, at the stroke of midnight, all the guys, including myself, went about kissing all the gals Happy New Year! Suddenly this one inebriated male friend of mine came up to me and planted a big kiss on me. I actually thought it felt pretty good and did not try to break away as he lingered with his "french" kissing. After about thirty seconds, we broke apart and went about kissing the girls again. I never spoke to him or anyone else about this episode (except to shrinks in later years) but for many years afterwards I would recall it as not being that bad. I felt guilty about those feelings, but thats the way I felt. I know this guy got married shortly after graduation from high school and as far as I know, still is.
While I didn't get married until age thirty, I never had any yearnings for a repeat of that episode, I was having a fine hetrosexual life. Unlike my friend, however, my marraige lasted only ten years but its breakup had nothing to do with sexuality issues. For the next twentyfive years I was single, having occasional hetrosexual relationships but all too often being on my own. As times changed, so did my favorite "stroke" magazines. Initially, they would portray an occasional lesbian couple "encountering," which I found to be sexually "stimulating." Later, they became more brazen in showing more liberal scenes. Hetrosexual encounters and group encounters eventually became commonplace. At first, I was not too kean on seeing these nude men but as time went on, that became more acceptable to me as well. Having gone through several periods of severe depression in my life, I had ample opportunity to explore my feelings about these issues with shrinks. I remember at one point telling a shrink that, if it were not for the AIDS uncertainties of that time, I would probably try a homosexual experience but decided not to because I had enough problems dealing with my depression.
In a sense, this writing is my coming out of my sexuality closet. I now believe that many humans are in fact wired "bi-sexually" and could go either way if it were more socially acceptable. I think I am, but who knows, I've never tried it. And now that I'm finally back into a happy marraige, I have absolutely no inclination to try it now. I think that many gay people that have found a life partner, are in similar shoes. I think they have little inclination to try a bi-sexual or hetrosexual relationship. I also believe that I am not so unusual in my beliefs. I think many folks have views similar to mine but are reluctant to come out of their closets - even to themselves. I don't consider myself gay, I don't consider myself deviant. I think I could enjoy an encounter with a guy or better yet with a guy and a gal.
NOTE: While many of my family and friends reading this might consider this "coming out" kinda wierd and unnecessary, I beg their tolerance. They can be justifiably snug and unquestioning in their perception of their own sexuality. Most of them did not spend over 25 years of their adult life alone as I did. I think that many gay folks will be more understanding of my reasons to "go public."
This, then is my initial preliminary summary of my sexuality views. Like my coming out regarding my views on religion in this work and my comments on all issues herein, I consider it to be an attempt on self definition. I consider "thinking" about these matters to myself is kinda like masturbating. It feels good but there is probably something better if you can share these thoughts with others.
Speaking of masturbation, this will be one of the major sub-topics I plan to address in this section. I'm reminded of the joke I used to tell. I would ask someone if he ever got caught masturbating to which the normal reply was NO!. My retort was "You must have had a good hiding place!"
I also plan eventually to address my views of other sexual behaviors such as sexual addiction, BSD, fetishes, etc. One area I hope to cover is female desires. I remember in my sowing wild oats days of telling my buddies that I preferred having sex with black women as opposed to whites because "Many of them were raised to think that they were actually supposed to enjoy sex!" contrary to how many white women were raised. I feel that this is one area (of many) where the sexual revolution has had a profound affect on society in general. Most women (including white women) in America today are raised to think they are supposed to enjoy sex.
More to come!
This section was last updated 12 January, 2005